


The Struggle Within...

by zibal_01



Category: Holby City
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: S13E39 Hand in Glove, M/M, Pre-Slash, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-13
Updated: 2011-07-13
Packaged: 2017-10-21 08:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zibal_01/pseuds/zibal_01





	The Struggle Within...

# The Struggle Within...

#   


Considering that he had thrown the first punch, Dan Hamilton really should not have been as surprised by the punch he had received in return. Antoine Malick hadn't held back; Dan could feel the blood trickling down his face...

That had been yesterday. Now, Dan found himself in bed, after a long, difficult day, with Chrissie sleeping at his side. Dan could not sleep, so he slid out from under the duvet, and headed to the living room. The guilt was beginning to overwhelm him; guilt for kissing Malick; guilt for telling Malick that the kiss hadn't happened; guilt for cheating on Chrissie. Damnit, it had only been a kiss, that wasn't really exactly cheating, was it?

Slumping onto the couch, Dan dropped his head into his hands. This whole situation was becoming impossible; his life was becoming as easy to navigate as a minefield. He didn't know what he was going to do. Oh, he knew what he should do - come clean to Chrissie, apologise to Malick and admit what he really feels for him, how his skin burns with desire every time Malick touches him, how the blood headed south whenever Malick was close, how he needed the fire, the passion the other man could offer him...

"Dan?" Chrissie shook his shoulder. "Are you ok?"

"Yes," Dan mumbled before shaking his head. "No... I don't actually know... " Dan sounded lost, confused.

"Is this anything to do with Malick?" Chrissie was as incisive as ever.

"Yes... "

"I knew it!" Chrissie exclaimed. "You need to go to Hanssen about him."

"No," Dan mumbled. "You don't understand... "

"What don't I understand?"

"It's not Malick," he muttered. "It's me, Chrissie."

"You? Dan, I don't understand."

"I kissed him, Chrissie," Dan stated softly. "It's all my fault."

"You kissed Malick?" Chrissie sounded stunned. "Why?" Realisation dawned. "Are you and Malick having a relationship?"

"No!"

"But you want to, don't you? How could I have been so blind?" Chrissie started pacing. "All this agro between you and Malick only started when you found out he was gay. You've been awkward around him since then. Do you - do you fantasise about being with him when you're with me?" Chrissie sounded disgusted.

"No, Chrissie. I - I wouldn't do that to you." Dan stood, trying to stop Chrissie's pacing. She shrugged him off. "Please, let me explain."

"Explain what? How you've been sneaking around behind my back with Malick? How you've betrayed me with a friend of mine. How could you, Dan? How could you?"

"Chrissie, I... we didn't do anything!"

"But you wanted to. You want Malick... want to know what it would be like to be with him." Chrissie sat, curling in on herself. "I think you should leave now."

Dan watched as Chrissie turned her back on him, leaving him with no chance to explain, no hope of explaining. Shoulders slumped, head lowered, Dan retreated from the room, retrieved his belongings, left Chrissie's home. After closing the door behind him he paused. Looking back, over his shoulder, Dan realised that that was one door that had closed to him forever.


End file.
